It's Just One of Those Days...

Ellie can be a SPAZ.  That's the word Mike and I use to describe this side of our little one, and today she is nothing short of just that, a total spaz.

We had a fun morning planned with Rebecca and Gwennie, and while we still had a great time together, I feel like I've been run over by a train.  Ellie is entering a new phase of independence from Mommy, which I think is really good and healthy, but in the process she attaches to other adults she feels comfortable with and likes.  Don't get me wrong, she is selective, but she can become pretty demanding.  Today she was all about "Becca", which truly warms my heart.  It brings me so much joy to see Ellie enjoying relationships with other adults, and it is humbling to see other people truly love your child.  Good thing Rebecca really does love Ellie and me because this morning was not completely pleasant...

So, we took a nice walk to the library and went to baby book worms.  Afterward, for no apparent reason, major melt down #1.  On the way home, I ran out of snacks in the stroller (oh the horrors!), major melt down #2.  While getting things ready to leave the house to go out to lunch, major melt down #3.  Eating lunch at Zoe's, after throwing most of her food and screaming intermittently throughout lunch, major melt down #4.  A really bad one.  A get the rest of your lunch to-go and leave the restaurant bad one.  I thought I could run one quick errand returning a pair of shoes since we were right by the store, but while I was checking out Ellie walked behind the check out counter.  When I went to pick her up, major melt down #5.  A really, really bad one.  I had to leave the store in the middle of my transaction and take her outside to discipline her and make her calm down.  We had to go back in briefly to finish the transaction, and then came major melt down #6.  I mean screaming as loud as you can imagine and jerking her body all over the place so I could barely even sign the receipt.  Yeah.  Awesome, right?  So embarrassing.  She then obsessed about the sticker she had gotten at the shoe store on the way home and the 10 minutes or so before nap.  I put her on the changing table to change her diaper, and somehow she wasn't happy with whatever she had in mind for the sticker at that moment, so she had major melt down #7.  Usually reading, singing, and going down for nap is a very pleasant and fun experience for us both.  Today, not so much.  95% of the time she is totally fine when I lay her down in her crib and doesn't cry.  Today, not so much.  

Well, thank the good Lord that she is asleep now, and I must say I am thankful for the silence.  I am not one to like silence hardly ever, but this afternoon I am soaking up every little bit of it.  Part of me just wanted to vent, but the other part of me felt like I wanted to expose some of the real, down-and-dirty, moments of parenting.  This journey of parenting is filled with more ups and downs that I could ever imagine.  While sometimes things are more stressful, hard, and frustrating than ever before, I never knew the depths of love and joy that I know now, and my cup overflows.  When I sit down to write most of my posts and reminisce about happy memories and look back at adorable pictures capturing Ellie's love of life, I am overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness.  However, I certainly never want to portray that my daughter is flawless, always being precious, or always doing and saying cute things.  Some days are just hard.  Some days I just feel like I have no idea how to control my child and discipline her in the most appropriate and consistent way that honors God and serves her well.  In these moments where I feel so frustrated with Ellie's behavior, I also am reminded of the grace God shows us.  I must remember to show Ellie that same grace.  After all, she is just a little 18 month old girl soaking up this big world around her and trying to learn how to participate in it a midst all of her growing pains.  As her mother, I will walk alongside her and do my best every day to raise her to be a loving, caring, thoughtful, well-behaved, respectful child of God.  I will do best, and that is all I can do, my very best.